Sexual addiction usually has a very negative effect on the quality of the couple relationship.

The consultancy has experience in working with couples where one of the partners presents with addictive compulsive patterns of sexual behaviour. We find in particular that partners of sex addicts, especially women partners of male sex addicts feel—

• Isolated and ashamed
• Angry and hurt
• Shocked and bewildered
• Betrayed and mistrustful

There is often a loss of sexual intimacy in the marriage. Partners feel angry, bewildered and betrayed. They worry about their own desirability and their own attractiveness. They often express concern for their children and other family members. They worry about the possible break-up of the marital home. For some, there will be real worries about HIV and other sexually transmitted infections.

Some partners try to respond by covering up for the addict, some by trying to manage the addict. Some get involve in ‘detective behaviour’ and become obsessed with trying to control their partner’s behaviour.

Such behaviours create a parent-child scenario in the couple relationship that is not generally helpful, in the long run, to either partner.

Partners of sex addicts are entitled to validation and understanding, information about the addiction, an understanding that it is not their fault, support in setting functional boundaries and charting an acceptable way forward. Many partners find it useful to explore their own ‘way of being’ in relationships, and in particular, how they are with the addicted partner.

For more information contact Dr Thaddeus Birchard and Associates.